I woke up this morning sick. Sick in my stomach. Sick in my heart. I was up in the dark hours of the night. After having had what felt like a punch in my gut from one of my favorite men in the world and my mother. They both reflected to me that I was falling into old patterning again around men even though I was in a 9 month sovereignty marriage to myself that I was putting a lot of energy into a new connection. In their different ways of course. My mom coming from her fearful “don’t make the same mistakes I did” kind of way and a beloved saying how deeply his heart was shattered and how I don’t know myself.
A rage filled me. How dare anyone tell me what is best for me! Then I realized, if I TRULY KNEW MYSELF on a deeper depth what they said wouldn’t effect me. It would bounce off instead of sticking like barbed wire in my heart. The truth is, I love to love. I want to feel safe, stable, and grounded in this world. Not by sacrificing my soul in a job that doesn’t serve, but by getting paid to elevate my consciousness and bring higher gifts of humanities potential to the world. We are in an interesting time of bridging. The old world is dying and the new one is sprouting. We are warriors. I lost my lionesses roar and Kali sword after lifetimes of torture and suppression. I remember these things as I feel them in my DNA, blood and nervous system. I am doing everything I can to release them. Physically cleansing, emotionally cleansing, purifying my relationships.
I AM COMING TO KNOW MYSELF. More and more every day. I am getting clearer. I am beginning to see again. I have very poor eye sight. Everything farther than a foot from my face is incredibly blurry. It comes from not wanting to see how fucked up the world has become. I always focus on the beauty, love, and light. With this gate, I see how much must die.
With this Lionesses Gate I roar into the distortion and ripple the light of truth into the projections. I take care of myself effortlessly. I accept help from the universe. I allow myself to receive. I do not have to do it all myself. I am free. I am sovereign. I am not owned. I align more and more with natures laws.
I call forth my own inner masculine to be the pillar upon which I spiral. To be the stability and constancy of groundedness in the world that I crave.
I commit myself to finding the perfect home with a pool that I can ground into for a year and solidify my online offerings and create music, poetry, learn the harp, dance more, play more, and host community gatherings.
I leave the housesit I’ve been at tonight and move to camp on a friends land until the next step makes itself clear. I’m so grateful. However, I crave stability. I crave land I can sink my soul into without the thought of leaving. I crave a place where I can give birth to my fullest expression.
I am so honored to be alive. I am so in love with this life. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU human and divine mother and father!
I LOVE BEING FIERCE. I LOVE THE LIONESSES ROAR. I LOVE THE KALI SWORD. I LOVE SEEING. I LOVE CLARITY. I LOVE KNOWING MYSELF.